Yesterday was a tough day for me. It was the year anniversary of my car accident. I struggled a lot throughout the year and still continue to be impacted by the PTSD from the head on collision. I have been sad, angry, confused, curious, apathetic, disheartened. At the moment of impact, I was listening to It Is Well by Hillsong and it truly was. My soul was ready for heaven. All of my doubts, worries, fear, anxiety, and struggles this year came as a surprise to me. I was accepting of God’s sovereignty that evening but have struggled since then.
One of my favorite things about God is how I can be upset with Him, but still walk right along side Him. I recently listened to and watched “The Shack.” Being upset with God was something about the main character that I identified with more than I realized. As a missionary, it’s tough on the ego to admit the struggle.
While this year has been wonderful in soooooo many ways, I know that my life was not being lived ABUNDANTLY. I’ve struggled with getting up for church, with staying in touch with my donors, with being brave enough to follow His guidance in my life. My heart has felt a prick to start a youth girls Bible study in my settlement,…. but…. I have been doing my best Moses impression for why I am not qualified.
Yesteday, I had a breaking point with the Lord. (My favorite place to be truthfully! Much better than standing in my stubbornness.) I yielded to His direction, His leading, and His will. This morning in church, as the date on the bulletin popped out at me, I realized yesterday was the year anniversary. God and I worked through so much that I hadn’t even known how significant the date was. As I held the bulletin, reading January 14, 2018, I felt Him whisper that He knew I needed a year and He has pulled me through- that season is finished. He is greater than all my ups and downs.
While I still have court due to the accident(the fourth court day- long story), I am hopeful of a joyful future as I release my grip on fear.
For a ministry update—-
Teaching math is going as “mathy” as always! Lots of fractions, decimals, and percents- oh my! (Wizard of Oz music) I enjoy my school in Deep Creek. This past semester of teaching Religious Knowledge has been WONDERFUL!!! I have enjoyed having the extra class to teach. I just talk about the Bible to the 8th graders. They are little sponges. So full of questions, wonder, curiosity and intrigue. I’ve gone old school doing Bible drills with them! I love reading their answers on homework as they work through their own faith. Its beautiful to be a part of.
The second update is about youth ministry. For the past year and 1/2, I’ve felt the tug to be involved on a weekend youth activity. I have been filled with thoughts of inadequacy here. BUT- as I wrote earlier, I’m releasing the fear and stepping forward. Not sure exactly what it will look like but am taking steps to start that bible study.
Please be in prayer for me. At the Christmas Eve service at FBCFrisco, I felt very out of touch with those back in the states. Things move so fast there. So many new faces at church. It would be wonderful to hear from home more.
Thank you for reading all my ramblings. I appreciate you. Truly.